I keep getting the feeling that I'm fading.

I could crumble. Yes. The parts of me that I care about I still don't value. Don't feed. There are pieces of life somewhere that are crying that I cannot see. So I spill it in places like this where no one will see. And I expect something.

Memory.

It is too beautiful for the present. Right now we live but memory always serves us better. So maybe it's better if we just forget. But that isn't true.

Hey. Why is it. That when I sit down like this in this place. I want to write the things that will make you remember too? I don't want to feel this lonely. It bothers me. When I really think about it.

I remember you.

I don't want you to feel ashamed. Maybe it's too much to bear. For me it was unbearable. It hurt. I was in so much pain. But I loved you. I felt so much love it was overwhelming. That was unbearable.

It's strange.

I don't miss it. I don't want to forget what happened. I don't want to change things.

But when I really remember like I just did it makes me ask why all over again. It makes me realize again why it won't be so easy to find other people.

And what she said was right, you're the only person to really impress me. But then that's not true. Dorian impressed me too.

But I didn't fall in love with Dorian.

I fell in love with you.

And you went beyond impressing me you blew everything I knew about everything out of the water and took my world and crashed it on the rocks. And then when I'd sunk so far back down into the sea my eyes were open to the real world and it changed me. Because your existence widened and became my world. Everything was you. You didn't just impress me you made me only see you. And the things that I've read about that type of love didn't even compare.

I can't begin to describe what you meant to me. And when I remember, despite knowing that I still love you, I suppose remembering really shoves it in my face.

I think that in most perspectives it's definitely ridiculous that I still love you. You've probably forgotten who I am. Maybe you still vaguely know my name and that we knew each other but I am not a person to you anymore.

If I forgot who you are there would be no one to love.

But even if I forget I won't stop loving you. You will just have slipped from my memory. Become someone else in the figments that are left. Someone not you and someone who is faded enough into facts and pieces that I can detach myself from that shattered mirror and refuse to love it.