くそ

I hadn't noticed how worried I was until you spoke to me. It felt like a million tons had been lifted off of me and I could finally breathe again. I think I was shocked. Shocked because not even in my best dreams had you been safe, had you spoken to me, had you even had the slightest hope of coming back. 

You're okay. You are really truly okay. You haven't been suffering horribly though you have been put under strain. You always downplay bad situations so it's possible things are worse than you're making them out to be, but you are okay. You're yourself. You have changed, I can feel it, but you're you and you're still becoming better. 

I wish I knew more.

I wish it was easier to know what was happening and how you've been.

But I am grateful.

I am grateful I know this much. Grateful that after seven months of waiting I can rest assured that you're alive and not in danger. I am so so grateful that you sound sane and feel like you and that you're getting help. I'm grateful you can even talk to me and tell me and I'm grateful that you decided to. I'm grateful that you tried so hard and I'm grateful that you still speak to me in a tone that doesn't place me coldly miles and miles away. 

You're safe, I can't believe you're safe.